Do Not be Disturbed...

I saw my husband off to work while it was still dark outside this morning. I still can hardly believe the regular, adult hours we keep nowadays... I'm not sure I feel that grown up yet.

Instead of pouring my coffee and firing up the photoshop to continue working my way through a backlog of sessions, something (someone) drew me to crack my bible open instead. It's been awhile since I've opened the Word to just read, not searching for a specific verse to share with someone, or following a bible study, or keeping up with the preaching points in a sermon. I've missed it. I've missed encountering the Living God through the tiny print on the thinnest pieces of paper. But it's so easy to not take the time as everything else competes for my time and attention. And there have been deeper things holding me back. Cracks formed in my hope through various circumstances over the past few years that the enemy would use to discourage me and leave my soul homeless, but which God will turn over into good as He beckons me toward Him, not away...

I opened to 2 Kings. Random place to go, I know, but I had a bookmark there from however long ago it was that I had been working my way back through the Old Testament again page by page (it doesn't help that since being back in the states, I only have my travel bible, my study bible left in storage somewhere in Europe for the time being).

I still can't quite comprehend how it works. I know the Bible is not magic. And yet I randomly open up to 2 Kings and start reading about the reign of King Hezekiah on this random day, my heart full of random thoughts and random feelings, and suddenly, it's as if this part of history was recorded just for me to read on this very morning, in the midst of this very life. And I find that happens again and again and again when I turn to this book which is not magic, but certainly is something. God-breathed. The Living Word of a Living God who sees into my soul and loves every corner of it...

You see, Hezekiah was a good king of Israel. 1 & 2 Kings in the Old Testament read like a historical list of the leaders of this ancient nation. A few chapters explaining an overview of what happened during one king's reign, and whether he was with God or against Him, and then a few chapters giving an overview of what happened in the nation of Israel in the next king's reign, and whether he was with God or against him. And on and on it goes, the cause and effect on a an entire people of a leader working with God or working against Him unfolding before our eyes through decades and centuries condensed down to a few thin pages.

Hezekiah "did what was pleasing in the Lord's sight" (2 Kings 18:3). He "trusted in the Lord, the God of Israel. There was never another king like him in the land of Judah, either before or after his time. He remained faithful to the Lord in everything, and he carefully obeyed all the commands the Lord had given Moses. So the Lord was with him, and Hezekiah was successful in everything he did" (vv. 5-7). Great, right? But I have to wonder as I read the story if Hezekiah felt successful all the time, felt the Lord with him all the time. Because during his reign in Judah, King Sennacherib of Assyria attacked and conquered their fortified cities. I've never experienced warfare, but I can't imagine being conquered by the Assyrians felt particularly "successful" to Hezekiah or his people. And if I was Hezekiah, my faith would have flickered to naught when the Assyrian king sent his commander in chief, field commander, and a personal representative (and a huge army, I might add) with a message for King Hezekiah and the people of Judah.

"This is what the great king of Assyria says: What are you trusting in that makes you so confident? Do you think that mere words can substitute for military skill and strength? Which of your allies will give you military backing against Assyria?... (vv.19-20)"

"I'll tell you what! My master, the king of Assyria, will strike a bargain with you. If you can find two thousand horsemen in your entire army, he will give you two thousand horses for them to ride on! With your tiny army, how can you think of challenging even the weakest contingent of my master's troops?... (vv.23-24)."

"My master wants everyone in Jerusalem to hear this, not just you. He wants them to know that if you do not surrender, this city will be put under siege. The people will become so hungry and thirsty that they will eat their own dung and drink their own urine... Listen to this message from the great king of Assyria! This is what the king says: Don't let King Hezekiah deceive you. He will never be able to rescue you from my power. Don't let him fool you into trusting in the Lord by saying, 'The Lord will rescue us! This city will never be handed over to the Assyrian king.'... (vv.27-30)"

"Don't listen to Hezekiah when he tries to mislead you by saying, 'The Lord will rescue us!' Have the gods of any other nations ever saved their people from the king of Assyria? What happened to the gods of Hamath and Arpad? And what about the gods of Sepharvaim, Hena, and Ivvah [all other historical cities the Assyrians conquered]? Did they rescue Samaria from my power? What god of any nation has ever been able to save its people from my power? Name just one! So what makes you think that the Lord can rescue Jerusalem?... (vv.32-37)"

Had I been amongst the throng in the dusty streets of Jerusalem that day, I would have looked out at that vast army, heard the shouts of their representative, and despaired. When King Hezekiah's officials reported this message to him, that's exactly what the bible says they did. "They tore their clothes in despair" (v. 37). 

The thing is... isn't this exactly what the enemy of our souls is screaming at us every day? "Look around you, stupid! Don't you see the evil conquering the innocent all over this world? Is your God keeping militants from waging gruesome 'holy war' across the middle east? Did your God keep the Taliban from attacking those innocent school children in Pakistan a few days ago? Or what about Nazi Germany, the Rwandan Genocide, the Boxer Rebellion in China, the Lord's Resistance Army in Uganda and the Congo? Look at the estimated 70 million martyrs who have died for trusting the name of Jesus since Christ's time. 70 million! Where was His recuse for them? And closer to home, did He keep your loved ones safe from the depravity of pedophiles? From physical abuse and neglect in their own homes? From families being torn apart by lies, hate, selfishness, and divorce? What god of any nation has ever been able to save its people from my power? Name just one! What makes you think your Lord can rescue you?" .....

Heaviness, heaviness, heaviness.

King Hezekiah also despaired. He tore his clothes and put on sackcloth (a sign of mourning).

But then he went into the temple to pray (2 Kings 19:1).

It all hinges here. Hezekiah might have taken this very serious threat (hello, huge armies outside his door!) and this very pointed intimidation and said, "You know, they're right..." But he remembered something. He remembered who His God was. His people had walked with the God of his fathers for generations, and they had experienced His power and His wonder and His care and His love again and again. So he decided to turn to his God and trust him once more. And God sent someone to minister to him. In this case, it was the prophet Isaiah. In my case, it's usually a friend, a mentor, a book, a poignant line in a film that reminds my soul of something it needs to hold on to, etc etc. Somehow, He comes. Don't forget in the dark what you learned in the light...

God told him, though Isaiah, "Do not be disturbed by this blasphemous speech against me... I myself will move against him" (v. 6-7).

Do not be disturbed by the lies of the enemy of your soul. I myself will move against him... 

And He did. 2 Kings 19 tells of how he moved against them in Hezekiah's time. But what has stuck with me this morning, and helped me to get up and face another day, is the thought that Hezekiah couldn't have seen it all playing out as it did, and yet he chose to trust. And he chose rightly.

Lord God, I want to choose to trust You! Despite everything my eyes ache to see unfolding. I want to choose to trust You. Because I know, I know, I know, I know that it is the right choice. You have drawn a line in the sand and allowed the enemy to come that far, but no further, Lord. You will move against him. And I will be on your side. Do not be disturbed by the lies of the enemy all around you. Your God Himself will move against Him... In fact, He's already begun.

"Behold, a virgin will be with child and bear a son, and she will call his name Immanuel [which means 'God with us']..."
-- Isaiah 7:14

A Story of Boy Meets Girl

Soooo… you know the familiar story of boy meets girl? I have one of those I am privileged by God’s grace (and stand in delighted awe over still…) to tell :)


Once upon a time there was a girl who fell in love with Jesus and into a life of following Him. He walked with her down MANY a road from the time she was small, and as they walked, He loved her, and taught her to love like His heart. He began to teach her quite early the importance of trusting to Him everything in surrender, even her own story of boy-meets-girl.


Along the way there were stories of girl meets wrong boys. And there were some stories of girl meets really-great-but-not-right-boys and even girl meets boy-she-thinks-she-wishes-was-right-boy-- until she actually gets to meet REAL right boy... But in all these stories, He held the writing pen firmly in His hand and she watched it scrawl across the page from her position snug at His side next to where He carried all her hopes and dreams (and it was snug, because there were a great deal of them!).


This great and loving God who carried all her hopes and dreams continually asked her to trust Him, and to keep on surrendering her everything to Him. And as she did, He brought her all over His world, teaching her always about His love for it and the people in it, and her place in it and His love for her.


Then one day, girl met boy. It was September 10, 2009.


It was rather unlikely for most, but really rather appropriate for her that they met in writing, and communicated that way for the first 7 months that they knew one another. Boy was in London, girl was in Gothenburg. They spoke of everything from what annoyed them (girl couldn’t stand it when people didn’t put things back where they belonged, and boy hated it when people would double-dip in the salsa…), to their childhoods with their families (girl was the middle of 5 kids and grew up on a ranch in the countryside of a rural state; boy was an only child to a single mum and grew up in one of the biggest and most multi-cultural cities in the world), their church experiences (girl was walking through a difficult experience in serving in a church ministry after just finishing her degree in Theology; boy had been deeply involved in the same church family since he was small and was taking a class on preaching and giving his first sermons), their walks with God (they both loved Him and desired Him deeply, and would share with one another how they were seeking Him throughout the seasons), their walks with those around them (girl had roommate trouble to pray through! Boy had the responsibility of caring for his chronically-ill mother), their own personal brokenness and scars collected in living, and their ideas of the purpose for why they were put on this earth—to love and serve Christ and show His love to a world dying for it...


And the sovereign and love-story-writing God smiled in anticipation of all that He would teach girl and boy in the months to come, using them to teach one another facets of His love He had been saving up for them each to discover in good time...


When girl met boy, they simply recognized a similar heart each in the other, and they became friends; friends who began sharing everything with one another. Soon they began to feel odd if they missed a day of communicating. And so they prayerfully decided that they really needed to meet up and speak face-to-face. Girl was beginning to feel more for boy than they spoke about out-right and it frightened her… Boy felt more for girl too, and began to tell her frankly so…


So a date was set for a long-awaited walk through Hyde Park for the next time girl was travelling through London – April 28th, 2010. Girl picked out her favourite ‘casually cute’ outfit (button-down denim skirt, brown leather boots to the knees, blue polka-dot top, and grey cardie), and spent the afternoon beforehand having coffee with a friend and talking herself through her nerves! She really felt there was something different about this boy, something different about this date… She walked to King’s Cross station, held her breath, and waited to see if she could spot him first in the jumble of people coming and going…


She couldn’t have known when she first glimpsed them across the crowd how very special those gorgeous brown eyes would become to her… Or how she would come to want to hold forever that hand he placed in the small of her back as he led her along protectively.


Girl and Boy finally said goodnight near to midnight after wondering all over the city soaking in one another’s presence. It would be the first of many such wanders about London together, making somewhat awkward and stinted conversation after already pouring out their hearts in written words for endless hours in months past. Girl and Boy continued to go on such dates for the next 7 months, strengthening their friendship and praying for wisdom in what God would have them do. Girl was also praying for some courage to let herself be that oh-so-scary thing-- truly loved.


Boy started writing her poetry on July 1st, 2010. He was already in love with her, but he was patient and strong, giving her as much time and space as she needed, and yet proving to her again and again with his very character that he could be trusted, and that with Jesus, he would do everything he could to remain worthy of her trust, to love her well, so she would have no reason to fear. He held out his heart to her in open hands, and then waited…


And girl, though frightened of letting go, was falling for boy, and falling hard.

14 months after first meeting, boy came to visit girl in Sweden, and on November 12th, 2010 they decided to make it official. They stood on a ferry in the moonlight on the North Sea after just deciding that this was it, and they both prayed to a great, big, masterful God who had seen that very moment even all throughout the twenty-some years of their very separate lives full of very different experiences on different continents. They thanked Him, and asked for His guidance, which they had been seeking all those 14 months, to go with them still. Making this decision to be an official couple was a very serious matter because they had both been deliberate about waiting to date anyone exclusively until they were ready to be married. They knew that this would be the first step toward forever, or they wouldn’t be together. (Afterwards, they discovered that they had both been praying in that moment the same, but neither of them had known as they stood cuddled together in silence watching the moon reflect off the water :))

That night was the first time boy asked girl if he could hold her hand :)


Very soon after, in January 2011, girl was headed off to Uganda to have her heart broken by the beautiful little ones left desolate by poverty. Boy held her across the miles with his prayers and his love letters and the broken phone calls which he would spend much mula to make in the deep darkness of the African nights. By March, girl knew that she would have to come back there to adopt some of God’s little ones of Uganda when the time came. Much to her delight, boy put up no fight. And by the end of their separation, boy and girl felt strongly that they knew they wanted to build their lives with no one else… and it became only a matter of time.

In June 2011, boy came all the way over to America to meet girl’s family and to spend 2 weeks with them in her family home. For girl, this ‘test’ sealed the deal. Having her handsome British boy in her rural, midwestern, childhood home was surreal. And somehow, she loved him even more afterwards than she had before.


This boy meets girl story isn’t finished yet (and they hope it never will be!) but the testimony of God’s grace and gentle leading is already evident in it. Girl only dreamed that she would ever be treated so well, like so much precious treasure; like her Father in Heaven has always said she is, but she’s struggled to believe. And boy takes nothing about this gift for granted. And every day the boy and girl continue to examine their hearts and their relationship and learn what it means to love and be loved—through the good and the bad, the joys and the harsh realities, expectations, disappointments, beauty and pain—and to understand love’s place in His plan. He’s still carrying their many hopes and dreams, but now they press up close to Him together to watch what He’s doing and to learn love from the very Master of it…

It's about time I introduced you all to the man I love :)

“I love you from depths of my heart that have been untapped. That all the while in my life God decided through you he would show me a new kind of love, a new way of living for him. You’ve graced my life and it’s still so incomprehensible that I can call you mine. I don’t think I will ever come to terms with it. But I don’t really want to either, I much prefer standing in awe of God’s biggest blessing in my life next to saving me... giving me your heart to hold.” – Charles to Leah, February 2011