My Interesting Morning Grappling with Ancient History...

I've been reading up on the historical evidence for the truth of Jesus and Christianity to be able to have informed conversations with my many Atheist friends here in Europe. I don't know if I've ever looked at it so succinctly before-- all the facts compiled in one place (Thank you, Mr. Lee Strobel).

I find it fascinating how no other historical book has so many early copies discovered (we're talking 5,000, as opposed to the under 500 of it's contemporary historical books of the time which no one questions the validity of), and yet comes under such fire as the New Testament. And how the four Gospels were each written between 30 and 60 years after Jesus' crucifixion and still people say the testimonies had been elaborated by legend and mysticism by then with the passage of time, as opposed to other historical figures surviving histories-- like Alexander the Great-- being written, at the earliest, 500 years after, and no one questioning its historical validity.

And, you know, I had NEVER thought about searching for other historical (extra-biblical) accounts of the sky going dark at the time of Jesus' death (Luke 23:44-45) and the earth shaking (Matthew 27:54). A Greek author named Phlegon wrote around 137A.D. about a spectacular event in 33A.D. He wrote, "it became night in the sixth hour of day [i.e. noon] so that stars even appeared in the heavens. There was a great earthquake in Bithynia, and many things were overturned in Nicaea [these places he mentioned were located in modern-day Turkey]." Tertullian (c.160-c.225) says it was a cosmic event, visible in Rome, Athens, and other Mediterranean cities. Goodness... that in itself would make me very curious to seek and find out the truth in these rumours about this great teacher Jesus who so angered the powers that be with his teachings of a coming kingdom of love and grace and his acts of healing and miracles (they attributed it to sorcery, but didn't deny that it was happening) that they gave him the worst punishment of the time-- crucifixion. And instead of hushing these rumours, the passage of centuries since then have only strengthened the number of people choosing to believe. Isn't that a little fishy unless the claims of Christ are true and so have withstood the tests of time?

Strobel went into his investigation of the claims of Christianity as an Atheist wanting to validate and certify his beliefs that it was all nonsense. And I am finding his investigation so incredibly encouraging (and delightful to watch play out!) because at every turn, seeking out academic experts and asking very thorough and intelligent questions due to his legal research and journalism background, he is confronted with mounting evidence to prove TRUE exactly what he meant to prove false... But at the same time as it is incredibly satisfying to read, it is incredibly frustrating because I look around and think, "how can you NOT believe?"

Even in this rather scientific, research-driven style of book I've been reading today, God really challenged my heart. I read of how if we never cracked open a bible and only looked at the extra-biblical historical writings about Jesus-- many of them written by people who weren't Christians, and regarded the new religious movement sweeping their ancient world with some suspicion-- we would come out with a very clear and irrefutable idea of the life this Jesus character lived in historical fact.

"We would know that first, Jesus was a Jewish teacher; second, many people believed that he performed healings and exorcisms; third, some people believed he was the Messiah; fourth, he was rejected by the Jewish leaders; fifth, he was crucifed under Pontius Pilate in the reign of Tiberius; sixth, despite this shameful death, his followers, who believed that he was still alive, spread beyond Palestine so that there were multitudes of them in Rome by A.D. 64; and seventh, all kinds of people from the cities and countryside-- men and women, slave and free-- worshiped him as God" (from The Case for Christ, pg.91, Strobel's interview with Edwin M. Yamauchi, Ph.D, a leading expect in Ancient History)

What struck me from this summary of what is historically known about Christ outside of the Bible, is that the part of His life that is life-changing, that everything hinges on, and which is indeed why Christianity even exists because we believe He was the Son of God-- his resurrection from the dead-- is signified in extra-biblical history only by the witness of the people who believed that He rose from the dead. Without looking at the biblical testimony of all the people who actually saw Him alive after his public crucifixion (over 500 people all at once in one occasion! --1 Cor. 15:6), extra-biblical historical texts also tell of the experience of these people by recording what they did, how they lived in light of this belief-- and despite horrific persecution which is documented extensively, like Nero's reign and the many many many martyrdoms.

It's this belief in Christ's resurrection which still sets Christians apart today. And it's the testimony of HOW WE LIVE in light of it which still bears witness... Tell me, what will the history books have to say about us as Christians bearing witness today? Oh, how I hope yours and my lives just add further evidence to the truth of Christ! It's that truth which sets people free, even today, and there are so so so very many still needing to be set free. Here in Sweden, yes; here in Europe, yes; but also everywhere...

"Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." -- John 8:32

The evidence on paper goes so far, and then it's a matter of faith. May our lives be testimonies of faith which stand out in history, so that the people around us can't help but look to Him and choose to believe in His grace...

With His Love...

[A new song discovery to read by: http://bensollee.bandcamp.com/track/hurting-2]

You know, I used to be really really into this blog world. Not this one here at blogspot, but at xanga, where I kept a blog all throughout highschool and basically grew into myself through writing out my thoughts of all kinds.... I made friends with other bloggers in the community and we grew up together. I have to admit, I kinda miss it. But once in a while, I still read blogs, and when I stumble upon a blog of someone who writes from a genuine and honest and searching place, a "hey, we don't have it all together, but together we might be able to deal with it" kinda place, I am touched and humbled and inspired to share a little deeper, to make this place a space for other people to think genuinely, share honestly, and search deeply too. We don't have to agree on everything, we just have to be honest with ourselves and honest before God, who loves us whether we've got it all figured out or not. (And honestly, we're talking about God here. If you think you have ANYTHING all figured out in light of Him, honey, you have got some re-evaluating to do.)

I like this randomly stumbled upon blogpost today:  http://www.alise-write.com/2011/02/ugly-bride.html

In the end, she asks what our favourite bible passage is that let's us know that we are loved. I instantly think of Zephaniah 3:17 which has held me through the years: "For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty saviour. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."

Maybe this post resonates with me so much because the season Jesus is currently walking with me through involves dealing with some deep places of hurt incurred in working in ministry, and with and for The Church. Early this month I took a deep breath and a hard gulp and decided to start having some counseling for issues of spiritual abuse. Yikes-- those are intimidating words. I kinda don't even want to write them. It feels like admitting some kind of defeat to it. That yes, it hurts this much, perplexes me this much, and presses down on me this much. Still. But maybe that desire to not let it show how disillusioned I feel is exactly why I need to be speaking up in this season. Not sure where one would find a Christian counselor in Sweden even if one could speak Swedish properly, I looked up a Christian counselor in London so I can set up sessions whenever I'm over visiting Charles. Initially I thought, "Ah, I just need closure on this. One session to just help me sort it all out in my head." But that was rather naive of me, I think :) And having never done counseling outside of meetings with campus counselors in University, I guess the whole thing is rather an adventure. And maybe it's best that way. I'm in way over my head anyway, and that usually means God's got to be all in all to me.

Seeing the body of Christ used to wound and kill one's spirit has been a bit too much for me. And I begin to see it everywhere, like my eyes have been opened to what they hardly saw before. And it's like heaviness upon heaviness upon heaviness in my little heart which just wants to have faith like a child. And it makes me furious. Furious at an enemy who slinks into whatever form he can take to deceive The Bride. The best deceptions are the ones which look so very close to the truth that the error is almost imperceptible...

In my best moments, it makes me even MORE passionate about loving well and actively, to be a mirror which reflects His face. Because this aching world will see Him no other way. And we, you and I, individuals, are what make up The Church. But sometimes my best moments feel very distant. And it's more like slogging through than running a steady race.

I think this season is a time of grief in me. Over the damage the enemy has done in The Church, His Bride. And over the way that damage has entered my life and my experience of His Church, and broken whatever frail veil of innocent, childlike hope I had hanging in my heart. Sometimes the hurt colours over everything I thought I believed, and I am left gasping for air, wondering where one goes from here. Because where God was meant to be living among me, the Church, turned out unsafe, abusing its power, and I wonder if He was living there at all. And sometimes I can't see or feel His might, I can't see or feel Him saving me, or intervening in the suffering all around as our mighty saviour. But that's where His Love reassures. That's where His love wraps me up so tightly that the world stops spinning. It's His unfailing love that can be trusted when nothing else makes sense anymore. It all begins and ends there. With His love, He will calm all your fears...

"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty saviour. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
-- Zeph. 3:17

How Can I Not Be Moved?

It's not the first time I've seen this drama. And it's moved me before. But tonight, I cannot stop playing it on repeat. I cannot stop staring at the epic story being played out-- my own epic story with The King, right before my eyes-- and letting the lyrics wash over me.

I have been that girl. I am still that girl.
And He has wrestled darkness for me, and still does.

Tonight, something is clicking. Tonight, I am staring at the screen, tears popping to my eyes every time the music picks up and she drops the gun, every time I see the face of the Jesus figure as he shouts for her and pulls for her, and then conquers the darkness and wraps His white jacket around her and holds her...

This is our story. This is what He does for every single one of us. How do we reject Him, or perhaps even more unbelievable, how do have this with Him and then, gradually, forget? Lulled by strategically-placed distractions and seduced by misplaced desires, we are deceived. And it still surprises me.

It also surprises me how I can go a single day without losing myself completely in worship of this Jesus for all that He has done and still does. For how He loves me, fights for me, pursues me. How can we not literally MOVE! Whether that be bowing before Him in awe, or jumping up, selling every bit of "wealth" we've amassed, and running to the ends of the earth to be a witness of this kindness, grace, and hope?! Oh Lord, that you would give me eyes to see You at work moment-to-moment! And more mercy for how much I forget...

"You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything...
How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?"
-- Lifehouse, "Everything"

...Putting it Back

This quote is resonating with me tonight. "There are people who take the heart out of you..."Oh yes, there are. As much as my romantic little heart just doesn't want to accept it; just wants to love on, love on, love on and watch His love pouring through it change the world all around it. I want so desperately to believe Him when He speaks of the way of obedience being the best way, when He teaches us to live with hearts wide open, always hoping, always trusting, always persevering in looking for the good in one another, in choosing to love one another even when we don't feel it, trusting that He will not waste a drop of that effort... I believe this. I choose to live like I believe this. But sometimes, oh, sometimes after a long haul it feels like the heart is drained right out of me... I know you know the feeling.

But... I also know that... somehow, in time (that all-important quality)... "there are people who put it back." And there may not be a moment where it all lines up and all is made well again, but somehow you find that your heart is just... back. And that God, throughout that all-important quality of time, has used ways too various to describe and too numerous to count, but usually requiring much of the tangible human hands around us, to restore to us our hearts which had been so drained away...

I'm working through some difficult experiences of heart-drainage which has been following me around for too long. I just haven't known where to start in dealing with it. Even now I don't. What do you do when the same people who at times have put the heart in you, are the same ones to take it right out? What about when it's a church experience? When the hurts happen in what should be the safest place? And you don't want to say aloud what hurts lest someone feels you're pointing fingers (surely every time you point a finger, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you, right?) and you set boundaries but people are offended by them (and the last thing you want to do is hurt anyone so that more hurt comes from the hurt you've already been carrying for years now, not knowing how to deal with it and feeling it growing more and more stale the longer you let it sit there locked away but never too far away...). The perfect entanglement. Feeling stuck to do anything but just go on, discouragement heaps on discouragement until one day, life has calmed down a little.And you find yourself taking deep breaths again, and there it is, just waiting to be dealt with and set aside once and for all. But the 'dealing with it' can feel more painful than the carrying it around.

Funny how again and again, it all comes back to this. So so so tired of that. But maybe that's what will fuel me to keep on working it through. I wish I could speak plainly without anybody taking offense. Instead, I form vague thoughts in the middle of the night, not expecting anyone to read them, and if they do, not expecting anyone to understand.

And all because I read somewhere that "There are people who take the heart out of you... and there are people who put it back."  I think we have a very real enemy. And I think he will take the heart out of us using any means possible. But I believe we have a victorious Lord, who will reach in and restore our hearts, using His children to reach out to us with His hands and feet. Even if the wounds those hands and feet of His children are reaching out to soothe were put there by the hands and feet of other children of His.

Doesn't it make you want to cry out "Maranatha!" Yes, it makes me desire His coming to restore all things... But it also gives me a passion to BE a glimmer of His Kingdom here and now. To "do church well". To truly be the kind of person who can be a part of a community of hopeful people needing His grace, which create a space where His Kingdom is exemplified here and now, for a world dying to see it.

Perhaps... in the end... that's exactly why I walked through my bad experience with Church to begin with. To make me as earnest as can be about being a Church which genuinely exists to be a glimmer of His Kingdom.


"I'm convinced that one of the reasons Jesus didn't confront the might of Rome or challenge the religious powers in Jerusalem was because He knew the story we long to hear is not one of military victory or political control. It's the story of a God who restores the lost and offers hope to a cynical world. The rumors of God are true. Jesus rose from the dead, and so did the hopes of all those who are looking for revolution..." -- 'Rumors of God' by Darren Whitehead & Jon Tyson

"...Love of God overflow, permeate all my soul...
Fill me up, God, fill me up..."
--Fill Me Up by The United Pursuit Band

English Weddings and Grey London Love

I went "home" to England last week. And my soul was refreshed.

My college friends Adelina and James got married and I had the distinct pleasure of being a bridesmaid at the celebrations. It was a beautiful day in every way-- from the look on James' face when he first saw his stunningly beautiful little bride walking toward him down the aisle, to the laughter and joy on every guest's face throughout the day. The Clarke wedding reminded me of why I like weddings so much. A celebration of love, indeed!

 Adelina's friend Abi and I had such fun serving her together on her big day! And praying for her and supporting her in the months beforehand. Friendship is such a beautiful gift from the heart of God!

James was a total British jokester in college, and Adelina was a perfect Ukrainian angel. They hardly seemed an appropriate fit at first. But what a beautiful journey it has been to watch God use each of them for one another's good. Adelina's maturity and heart has mellowed our crazy James out, and his confidence and fun, has made her glow :)

I couldn't help but be a bit teary when James exclaimed over God's grace at giving Adelina to him as his wife in his speech at the reception. He was astounded at the way this woman loves. And she does. She is one of those rare people who just seem to exude gentleness and kindness and tender love. She has alot to teach the world, but she doesn't realize it at all :)

And of course, no trip to England would be complete without some good old-fashioned girlfriend time!! Amanda, Abbie, Ali, and I managed to sneak a girlie slumber party into the wedding weekend schedule :) And my heart was filled right up!

(Oh college years! You have been better to me than all the rest combined. So so so many lessons learned and experiences had and so much love shared and tears shed and wiped away and always endless laughter and joy underneath it all... It was such a delight to revisit you for a weekend :))

**********

After a few days staying with dear friends in the Cotswolds, where my heart just about comes home, and the mad rush of the deliciously fun wedding weekend, I had a few days at the end in London with my man, to fill up on hand-holding and being wrapped up in long, warm arms for the next month of being apart again...

I visited a friend on her lunchbreak in the downtown hospital where she's a nurse, reveling in the wonder that I still feel every time I look at the skyline of this city and see the gothic architecture of Parliament and Big Ben looming over my little mid-west farming country head...And afterwards, I walked along the south bank of the Thames in the bright grey London day and I thought about Jesus and the adventure it is to love Him and the places His love takes us if we let it. I thought about all the heavy things I carry and heard Him ask again if I will just lay it all down and let Him do it. I meandered through an open-air secondhand book stall under a bridge and sat on a bench overlooking the Thames with the masses rushing by. A homeless man approached me asking for a pence or two, and I felt the smallness of what little I could do to make things better in this world, and as he walked away with a "Thank you, Miss", I thought about the paradigm of being His Kingdom here on earth, and yet waiting for its arrival with every breath.

We are only here to extend our feeble hands in love. Every time. While the real work of bringing that Kingdom is left up to Him.

And He reminded me of what it is to rest in His Bigness in light of my littleness that grey day strolling along the Thames.

Thank you, lovely London.
Thank You, lovely Lord.