... But even in the frustrating weeks of privately thrashing about trying to put things back together, when I didn't even know what had broken, He began to minister quietly to my soul. Through lyrics playing over the Christian radio in the car (Christian radio stations?! They are rare in Europe...); through the Francine Rivers novels I have been revisiting (The Mark of The Lion Trilogy is speaking to me more profoundly now than ever before... a MUST-read); through the priceless abject lessons found in cuddling my precious nieces and nephews (How can what God feels for me be GREATER than what I feel for these children??)-- quiet whispers in the day-to-day, nothing obvious to be found in my current bible study workbook or a revelation while listening to a sermon. He slowly started tuning my ears to His quiet whispers sent to my soul.
And, again I find it is in wandering the pastures of my father's ranch that it all comes into focus, and I can feel His presence thickly, wrapped up in all of His beauty. And it's there, in His presence, where I am healed and made whole again.
It has felt as if I just couldn't put my finger on what I needed to do to make things right-- so the vice-like grip of anxiety has been draining me of life-breath and leaving me battling for hope; forgetting that it has never been about what I can or can't do to begin with!
Sitting under the majestic beauty of these blue skies, this prayer falls from the tip of my pen and even as it comes from my heart, He is breathing into that heart some perspective again:
I sit here in the emerald sea of the pasture-lands of home and I know You are here because I can physically see all the beauty around me. Thank You. Thank You for coming to redeem me. And then for not leaving me all alone in my own mess in this world, but leaving Your imprint of beauty on everything to lift my eyes and my heart to You. And for leaving Your Holy Spirit. Lord, teach me how to walk anew with Your Holy Spirit guiding every step, every breath.
I am Your vessel; nothing more, nothing less. I do not have to worry about tomorrow or about how I should or shouldn't plan my days. You will lift me up and carry me in Your purpose. Oh Lord, renew my faith. Show me how to rest in Your will and Your grace, knowing it is more than enough for even me! Give me work to busy my hands and inspiration to guide my life. And teach me to rest. Then draw everyone around me to You with the fragrance of Your presence, Abba God. You love us all so. May my life endlessly proclaim Your praise because of it..."
If any of you know what it feels like to be aching for peace, may you find somewhere to curl up next to Him and just pour your heart out, waiting for Him to come in and fill it. He meets us wherever we are. Again and again, I stand amazed at His majesty reaching down to wrap little old me up in His embrace...
May you know this Love; may you love this Lover.
"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, whose thoughts are fixed on You! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock."
-- Isaiah 26:3-4
...God should place me in great perplexity, must He not give me much guidance, in positions of great difficulty much grace, in circumstances of great pressure and trial much strength? No fear that His resources will prove unequal to the emergency! And His resources are mine, for He is mine, and is with me and dwells in me!"