I was recalling to mind the other day another time we said goodbye for a long period. Charles and I were "seeing one another" and getting to know one another for 14 months before we decided to officially become a couple, knowing that when we did it was like making a little promise to someday make a bigger promise. And a little over a month after making that first little promise to one another on a cold Swedish ferry ride on the north sea, he was helping me with my bags at Victoria station, and I was boarding a train out to the airport to follow God into one of the greatest adventures of my lifetime-- a few months serving Him in the great unknown (to me) of Africa.
I remember I had found a big lollipop with the words "I love you" written on in icing and, knowing my man's playful spirit, had bought it to give him in that moment, even though when I bought it in Sweden I hadn't actually yet told him those 3 magic words. He'd asked me early on how soon I felt it was appropriate to say it, and I'd told him that I didn't use those words flippantly, because to me they hold a vow in their uttering. To me, love is not just an emotion, but an action, and if I wasn't sure I could live love to him, I wouldn't speak it to him. But that New Year's Eve, when I was visiting him in London-- in his bedroom before we headed to a party at a friend of his-- with butterflies in my stomach, I looked him in the eye and told him with conviction, "I think I love you, Charles." He replied quickly, as if it had been pent up within him just waiting to be let out for ages, "I know I love you."
And 4 days later, a kind gatekeeper at the train station let him cross the ticket gates with me, even though he hadn't a ticket, because he saw we were saying an emotional goodbye. Bless that man! And I reached into my bag and produced my giant "I love you" lollipop to leave with him, in hopes of lightening the heaviness of the goodbye. And I leaned down from the train to kiss him one last time, and then held the gaze of his full brown eyes through the train window until we could no longer see one another...
The other night it dawned on me that once he gets over here, hopefully in March, we should never have to suffer through another of these long goodbyes again. Who knows what life will bring and what kind of ministry opportunities may come and what our international marriage will require of us when it comes to the subject of time apart, but regardless, it all seems different when we're looking forward to saying "I do" this June. Any parting in the future will most likely be short, and will always hold the promise of being reunited soon, because we'll belong to one another. No more goodbyes...So I will appreciate this time as a time that will never be relived, and look forward to that one because I have been longing for it for so long. And I will take his hand on the 1st of June and walk into forever...
Oh, how I count the days!
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