Ushering out 2012

New Year's Eve always makes me reflective... On what God's done and on what He's doing and on what He's about to do in the new year.  

2012 started me out in America, sent me back to Sweden in February, in and out of England all throughout, and to Ireland with the most handsome man in the world in May! As well as handing me a new baby goddaughter that month to cherish. It took my beloved Grandma in July and left a huge gap in her place. It slipped a diamond engagement ring on my finger in August, giving me the most delightful and touching surprise I've had to date, thanks to my dearest friends and my darling man's collaboration :) It encouraged my soul and my heart for ministry in the beginning of August when it asked me to pour out my heart and my experiences of my God in my own life so far at a youth event on a small island in Kent. And it did so again when pouring out how He's touched my heart into the lives of a group of lovely 13-15 year old girls at a small summer camp in the Gloucestershire countryside later that month. It sent me to beautiful Budapest, Hungary for one random night in September and on a once-in-a-lifetime roadtrip down from Sweden to Denmark to Germany to Switzerland to Italy and finally to France in October to be maid-of-honour for my friend in their non-secret wedding :) It delivered into my life a new baby niece to love in October :) It brought me home for my dear friend/cousin Emily's long-awaited wedding in the end of October, sent me to Washington and Oregon with my Mom and my Grandpa in a precious roadtrip out to see my cousin and great aunt. It flew me down to Arizona to visit the Grand Canyon on a special week with my Mom in November. And gave me my last Christmas as a single woman with my family in freezing cold Northern MN in December. In fact, I'll never spend another year as an unmarried girl after this one...

I've gotten in the habit of framing my memories according to where in the world I was when. Potentially, 2012 may be my last year of doing so much of that. It's hard to know what 2013 will bring, aside from a few choice dates which stand out in it :) This new year, on the 1st of June 2013, I will marry the best man I know, the man I believe God has been molding and shaping to share his life with me to His glory. We have very little clues as to how He specifically intends to use us together. But we know our God. And we wait in wonder...

It is big, the thought that THIS is the year He gives me the husband I have longed for. And not just anyone, but CHARLES MATTHEW KELTON, the man I love. It is big. And it's so easy to just go with the flow of the engagement and the wedding planning and the getting-on-with-life-ness of it all. But it is time to pause and ponder and process the bigness of this commitment we're making in 152 days, in this new year. I cannot quite express how I feel as I look toward the 1st of June 2013 and all that it signifies. I am excited beyond words and breathless with desire while also facing the fear of seeing the reality of some marriages all around me. We look at one another knowing that it does not always turn out all wonderful, but meeting gazes and knowing we desire to love one another well, like Christ loves us. And like we love one another now-- deeply, wistfully, joyfully, expectantly, hopefully, longingfully, with freshness and newness and trust, as well as a sort of holy fear. This thing is so much bigger than the two of us. So much stronger and so much more fragile-- in equal measure-- than we could have known it would be. And ultimately, it is a gift of His limitless grace, a gift to cherish and steward with reverance.

I love you, Charles. I cannot wait to kiss you as your wife in this new year. 152 days...

And I love you, Jesus. I cannot possibly say it loud enough or often enough. I want to thank you for this year of 2012. There have been so many hard times, a lot of heartache and some despair. There have been a lot of life's lessons that I hardly realized I was in the process of learning. And there has been a lot of laughter and joy and wonder and awe. And love. I am so thankful for Your love and Your grace which is ushering me through the years and will escort me right into and through 2013 too... 

Lord, be Lord of all my life in this new year. Help me to have more faith to trust You with, to surrender to your ways more quickly, to reject anxiety and all that draws my gaze from Your face. Lord, help me to love like You love. Help me to be transformational to the lives all around me wherever you place me, not just speaking of Your hope but living it out! Father, take my life so completely. I just want to want You more than anything else in this world... I love you. Thank you for the year which has passed and for this new one dawning. Thank You for Your grace.