Choosing to Wait

 [Read another great article on the subject HERE]

The lovely Gothenburg, Sweden

So, at the moment I live part of the year with some friends of mine in Sweden, and part of the
year back home in Rural Minnesota, with trips and visits to various people and places in between (obviously, England owns a massive chunk of my heart-- we'll call that part my handsome Brit & university friends whom have become my family!). But generally, this means I swing like a pendulum from the extremely conservative heartland of America of my childhood, to what is considered one of the most liberal societies in the world.

To emphasize this tremendous cultural swing, in Sweden I live and work with Atheists. In fact, the percentage of people who genuinely know the saving grace of Jesus in this part of the world is reported by European Christian Mission to be something ridiculous like less than 5%.

It is the strangest thing to speak to educated people in the western world who have only a very vague, foggy idea of what the Bible has to say (if that!), let alone what God is about and what Jesus offers-- all while assuming they know it all already. I find my heart gets routinely beat up by the spiritual climate. But, in turn, I find this calls me to actively seek to protect my heart of faith and learning to offer its hope out to those around me keeps me thoughtful and teaches me the compassion of Christ unlike I've ever learned it before...

I'm thankful for things which prompt me to cling to Him.
In the holding on, I always discover I love Him more than I ever knew when I discover more and more of His love and grace for me.

Anyway, my Atheist friends are especially curious about my sex life (if it can be called that when I'm not having it!). This is a little awkward to write about. But I can honestly say it's a rare day that it doesn't come up in some way in our conversation, so I have learned to be very open and honest in hopes that something I share with them might make them think in such a way that leads them closer to a light bulb moment with God.

In Sweden (as in most of Europe, I reckon) waiting til you're married to have sex-- especially if you are in an on-going relationship with someone you love-- is literally unheard of... I must admit my naivete-- it shocked me to learn that even amongst Christians here, it is rather rare. I have realized now, 3 years in, that waiting for marriage is choosing a lonely path, and just to expect to walk it alone. I always expected it to be hard-- back home it is expected at least of Christians, but it is readily acknowledged to be hard!-- but I don't think I expected it to be so lonely. I literally fascinate my Atheist friends here, and they delight in telling their friends that they know someone who is waiting til she's married to have sex. Yeah. Like a freak. Thankfully, God has given me a good, good man who aspires to being a spiritual leader to me and our someday family and whom reminds me we are not alone in this when I start to feel like a total freak of nature...

The other night one of my Atheist friends was poking fun at me on the subject yet again (It's okay-- it's just that it's fascinating to them) when suddenly the air became serious and he asked something he never had before. Basically, "Why?"

And it felt so good to be able to explain.

My handsome man being all studmuffiny!

They seem to understand it as something my boyfriend and I are not doing because God tells us not to. And if we want to "be good" we have to wait. But to be honest, if that was what it was about, there is no way we would have made it this long. I, for one, know I am not "good" and so don't bother striving to be. And, I mean, come on! My man is way too sexy to keep my hands off for who knows how long just to "be good". Puh-lease. I'd rather be bad. haha. Seriously. He's so darn handsome...

But knowing my God's heart, knowing that He never ever acts outside of His measureless love for us, knowing that He designed us and knows how that design best works, I trust Him when He says this is the best way. For me, it's not about being good, but about being loved... and also, it's about being loving.

Charles and I have spoken from the beginning about wanting to love and serve one another well. We really believe that by delaying gratification in this way, we are serving one another by not using one another for our own momentary selfish gain-- even if we are as much in love as we are. One of my Atheist friends explained to me that she doesn't regret any of her sexual encounters because they gave her what she was needing at the time... I think it's that self-focused attitude that we are trying to avoid, really. In the long run, it is most loving of us to sacrifice what we want right now, or "what we're needing at the time", for the greater good of what we can have if we wait-- a deeper sense of commitment in our marriage, which then lends itself out to a deeper sense of stability for our children, etc. We feel that by choosing to be committed to one another in this way (by not sleeping with people whom we are not married to and namely, by not sleeping with each other before marriage), we are not just avoiding STI's and unplanned pregnancy, as is often the argument for abstinence, but we are strengthening our commitment to one another in our marriage someday (assuming we finally get married someday, but that's another post entirely!). It's tremendously hard character development to choose this long wait. It goes against everything in our strong biological urges-- to put one another and our Father God above ourselves in this way. But we believe that that character development will come out in our marriage and in how we treat one another in our marriage. And as hard as this wait can be, it's a brilliant 'team-building exercise' to be in it together :) We recognize that being in love won't always come so easily to us. But having worked hard at our characters through this and many ways, and fighting hard for the good of our relationship already now, lays a strong foundation for when the going gets tough and we need to be able to reach into ourselves and find character and integrity and commitment to see us through.

But all that said, what it comes down to in the long run, is choosing to trust our God when He says this is the best way, no matter how hard it feels in the meantime. Knowing the character of our God, we can trust that this long wait will reap benefits for us, in this life and in the next.

My Atheist friends say things like, "But you have to sleep with more than one person to learn what you like. What will you have to compare your experience to and learn from?" Um.... I don't mean to make fun of my friends, but-- what in the world? Surely the fact that they have to ask that question says something already about how their promiscuous lifestyles have stolen from their sex lives. My man and I greatly looking forward to discovering together this realm of making love to one another when the time is right, and we have no worries about being able to figure it out :) We will have the freedom to be totally vulnerable with one another as we learn together since we're starting on equal playing fields and we're coming toward one another out of a place of deep deep love for one another. Sounds kinda like the perfect sex life to me! 

"Married couples take time out to please their partners and satisfy them thoughtfully. Love and a concern for one's partner shifts the focus away from the self in a sexual relationship toward the other person" (from an article written about a 2004 study on Christian married sex).

Besides all this, my Atheist friends were amused to find that there had been studies done on the quality and quantity of sex in a Christian marriage.

...contrary to popular perception, married people have much more sex. It quotes a 2004 study of money, sex and happiness, based on 16,000 American adults, which finds that married people have more sex than those who are single, divorced, widowed or separated, and that sexual activity is linked with happiness. .... better sex is the result of love and commitment.

The Rev Canon Paul Hayes, mission and evangelism adviser for the Church of England, said: "Often people think Christians say no to the world, but actually the Christian faith is about making the most of what is given to us, and one of those things is sex. If you commit yourself to another person, along with all the other benefits is a good sex life."

To top it all off, after this conversation with my friends here, I spoke to my man about it all and we had a chance to stop and reflect again on why we're doing this thing this way-- which is always helpful. Sometimes-- to downplay it quite a great deal-- the wait can grow a little wearisome!

So... did anyone else out there wait, or are you currently waiting?
Did you have much company in the wait or were you a total freak in your circle?
What was a helpful encouragement to you in the wait?

"Do not arouse or awaken love until the time is right..."
--Song of Songs 8:4

*** I feel like I should have a disclaimer. I don't want to come across like, "Anyone who has sex before they're married is selfish and unloving!" Haha. Girl, if he was as much a heartthrob as my handsome man, I so understand!! :) I am just doing the best I can with what God's shown me, is all. And praying that He gives us the strength and resolve to keep on waiting. If you didn't, there is grace for you, just like there would be for us. You'll find, if you seek Him, that He is a master Redeemer. There's nothing we can do that He can't turn over for His glory and for our good. It's just a whole lot easier on us and on every life we touch with ours if we go after His best for us in the first place :) You are loved, loved, loved. May you know it and live it!

[I borrowed the quotes on the studies done on Married Sex from these articles:]
-http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3252952/Get-married-for-more-and-better-sex-says-church.html
-http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2008/11/25/the-christian-sexual-awakening.html

A P.S. on Galatians

I had to giggle when I opened my bible today to my last chapter in Galatians and read:

"Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.  Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ"(Galatians 6:1-2). 

Yesterday I had written: The Spirit in me (and the moral of the story in Galatians) was saying that the law and grace could both be met by simply sharing each other's burdens (New Excitement, Old Concepts). hehe!


And, since I'm here, just a little bit more hope for you from reading Galatians--

"Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up" (vv. 7-9)

Don't give up, friends. The road can feel so long, but I'll share your burdens; you can share mine. Let's hold one another up as we walk it...

And go read Galatians!! :)

***

 “Christianity, if false, is of no importance & if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.”
– C.S. Lewis

New Excitement, Old Concepts...

Grace IS Amazing!

"But we who live by the Spirit eagerly wait to receive by faith the righteousness God has promised to us. For when we place our faith in Christ Jesus, there is no benefit in being circumcised or uncircumcised. What is important is faith expressing itself in love."
-- Galatians 5:5-6

I was reading Galatians this morning for the first time in a long while and it kind of feels brand new...

I'm back in Sweden and I've unpacked my "proper" bible for the first time since December 2010! I have been in a constant state of travel, it seems, since then, and so have just been using my mini travel one. I can't tell you how good it feels to sit down in the morning with a cup of coffee (which I'm sweetening with honey and cinnamon now after reading about the health benefits-- and it's yummy!) under the window of my friend's house where I'm staying for awhile in Sweden, and cracking open the weighty leather-bound book and gold-gilded pages (So... I'm a little bit easy to please and find my whole mood improves around beauty, even if that be a beautiful thing like a pretty bible!)

Since returning to Sweden and my beloved church plant Brunnen, I have been hooked up with a new accountability partner. She's new in town, a lovely Swedish girl with a heart for world missions and a living love for Jesus. We've only been able to manage one meeting so far, but we clicked over our downtown coffee date and have been working out way through 2 Corinthians and Galatians to meet and discuss this week. And you know how we're always told the bible is the LIVING Word of God? Goodness, I love that it's true...

I've been dwelling on the difference between living under the law and living under grace. After some heavy time spent in some spiritually abusive climates, this concept has become a confusing one to me. I found myself being catapulted from an atmosphere where the law was maybe treated too legalistically ("For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God's grace." -- Gal 5:4), to an atmosphere where freedom was being abused ("For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature." -- Gal 5:13) and those who were genuinely confused by what was happening, and wanting to lovingly ask for clarification and walk the narrow road together, were being told they were living by the law and being judgmental.

Paul instructs neither of those sides and yet both of those sides: "Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another." -- Gal 5:13-15)

The Spirit in me (and the moral of the story in Galatians) was saying that the law and grace could both be met by simply sharing each others' burdens-- being open to accountability and willing to listen to one anothers' hearts. We are human and we are hopelessly flawed, and yet God, knowing exactly what we would struggle with, chose to adopt us as His own and cover us with the righteousness of His Son ("But when the right time came, God sent His Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent Him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law so that He could adopt us as His very own children. And because we are His children, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, 'Abba, Father.' Now you are no longer a slave but God's own child. And since you are His child, God has made you His heir." -- Gal 4:4-7). How much more should we then accept one another, worts and all? But constantly reminding one another of our new status as His children, and reminding one another how then to live... Not as slaves (to the law), but as heirs (rejecting the ways of our old status pre-adoption).

"But we who live by the Spirit eagerly wait to receive by faith the righteousness God has promised to us. For when we place our faith in Christ Jesus, there is no benefit in being circumcised or uncircumcised. What is important is faith expressing itself in love."
-- Galatians 5:5-6

It struck me anew how we are clothed in righteousness. We are not righteous in ourselves (hence our tendency to abuse our freedom by sliding into acting out sinful desires), nor can we earn it (by religious rituals-- Paul talks about being circumcised or uncircumcised-- or living perfectly sinless lives), but as His adopted children, we are covered in His righteousness-- the pressure's off! We don't have to be a certain way, one way or the other! It is our inheritance. And though we live earthly lives now where it can be so hard to see and therefore so hard to live out, we must trust it's true by faith. And during this blink-of-an-eye existence on earth (which most of the time feels SO LONG), "what is important is faith expressing itself in love" (vv. 6)

So let's love on, love on, love on, and toe the balance of fulfilling the law by living in grace by faith...

Whew. Am I a total dork to get so excited about this old concept again? Grace IS truly amazing, and I desperately needed the hope of this reminder. How about you?

Made More Faithful in the Wait

I read a comment left on someone's blog earlier:

"Time to get back to the basics, coffee with cream and sugar; Church with the Word and less fufu." 

And it made me smile because as I slog through this lesson on where church goes wrong, and seek Him to restore my faith in what's right about it, that's pretty much the Church I find He's set me in with Brunnen church plant. We are being Church with the Word and less fufu. We have no building walls. Just homes, and cafes, and a disadvantaged part of the city we want to be a Christ's presence in. We have down-to-earth teaching from the bible, in Swedish and English, which feel more like conversations because we can look into one another's eyes gathered around someone's living room. And we have accountability with one another for living out our struggles and our joy throughout the week too. Nothing fancy, just real and down-to-earth. Tangibly His hands and feet to one another. And He couldn't have drawn it all together at a better time.

This week my DNA (accountability/prayer group) friend and I are reading the book of John. We've both done substantial biblical study in our degrees and liked the idea of just focusing in on Jesus in the gospels, like being reacquainted with the story of His life which we've heard all of our lives. It is heartening to look again and again and again at this God as man, to let the familiar stories of what His disciples witnessed with their own eyes just play before my imagination.

John 6:35 stood out to me today. Mostly because it is Jesus Himself saying in no uncertain terms that anyone who trusts in Him will never be spiritually hungry or thirsty again, and I tell you what, I feel so deeply dissatisfied right now that I can't think of much else beyond how hungry and thirsty I am. Instantly, my disillusioned side starts going, "Huh. Well... You're saying this one thing, and I'm feeling entirely another. That's rather disappointing, God." He told me to look it up in more depth later... So, here I am, 29 minutes past midnight, looking up John 6:35 in the original Greek and seeking God to encourage me with it.

In English, the verse says, "Jesus replied, 'I am the bread of life. No one who comes to me will ever be hungry again. Those who believe in me will never thirst'."

The original Greek for hunger and thirst are peinasē and dipsēsei respectively, and they both conjure up similar translations; 'to have hunger, to have thirst, to have need, to desire earnestly'. The Greek transliteration for 'Never' is ou. There are many translations for this, but my favourite was more of an explanation. Strong's said ou means basically, "ruling it out as fact." All pretty straightforward to what I read in my NLT bible without going in deeper.

But then the Greek for "who comes to me" and "believe in me"...

The phrase 'who come' is transliterated erchomenos, and can also be translated as 'brought to,' or 'accompany'. I like the idea of being brought to Jesus. Like the little children he welcomed when the disciples wanted to turn them away. Because the kingdom belongs to such as these (Matt 19:14). But the richest discovery for me was 'accompany'. I love the image of "accompanying" Jesus. Isn't that what walking with Him is? "No one who accompanies me will ever be hungry again." And isn't it in that daily interaction with Him, that daily keeping company with Him, that we are refreshed for the journey? If there is one word to describe the overriding feeling around this time in life for me right now it is: dissatisfied. I have such earnest and frustrated desires I can barely breathe with them. But must just keep waiting and see the season through... Sometimes so deeply dissatisfied and seemingly disappointed that I don't recognize the sun when it pokes through the clouds as Swedish winter descends. How is that 'never hungering or thirsting,' Lord?

But then the final word I looked up. 'Believe' in 'Those who believe in me....' The Greek transliteration is pisteuōn: 'To believe, have faith in, trust -- to entrust, especially one's spiritual well-being to Christ'. This is not earth-shattering but for the moment, for MY moment, it's kinda huge.

Working through a book about Spiritual Abuse as I walk this journey of Him restoring my soul, the chapter which has most stood out to me has been a rather simple re-teaching on the foundations of my salvation in Christ. On how Grace works. It's only in admitting our brokenness, our neediness, our sheer not-enoughness, truly realizing that we NEED His grace, that we can then realize truly what He means when He says He has done it. If we believe, pisteuōn, to have faith in, TRUST, "especially one's spiritual well-being to Christ", it is DONE. His grace has done it all. And if we believe Him, we can rest and know His love, and be anxious for nothing, strive for nothing, have no lingering fear of not being good enough, or fear that the grace will run out, a bit used up for every sinful act or attitude. He knew every single one before He paid the price for them. He knew how messy this life would get, and how discouragement would sometimes knock us right to the floor. He knew how even His church would be deceived and tainted-- made of humans after all-- and how it would hurt and deceive ones of His. But He still did all of the work of redemption that day on the Cross.

I am recognizing again how truly poor in spirit I am, and so how the Kingdom of Heaven has been unlocked for me (Matthew 5:3). And accompanying Jesus, I must keep TRUSTING Him with my poorness and my neediness, my aching dissatisfaction and unmet desires, and laying it out before Him as I accompany Him every day, every hour... And somehow, it's in being hungry and it's in being thirsty, that I am filled with His grace. With purpose. With hope. It's in being empty, that I am full. It's in being full of emptiness, that Grace works.

And I cannot express how thankful I am for the richness of this grace...

"When I can't feel You, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear You, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want You more than I wanna live another day
And as I wait for You, maybe I'm made more faithful..."
--Brooke Fraser, 'Faithful'

In The Hands of the Master-Poet's First Ever Giveaway! -- Now Closed

The bigger picture has always captivated me.

The idea that God is on a rescue mission to restore the world He created and the people in it to relationship with Him-- and how everything in the story of our lives, and all the individual stories we're living, are all working together to that end, and how, in fact, we are invited to play a part in that rescue mission story... It puts things in perspective.

Randy Frazee calls this bigger picture the 'upper story' in his book The Heart of the Story: God's Masterful Design to Restore His People. He calls our circumstances as we see them through our human experiences the 'lower story'. What I loved about this book was the idea of taking the whole entire bible--the hundreds of memorable and not so memorable 'lower' stories of human experience -- and making a basic summary of it to repaint it in light of the upper story, the bigger picture. In these stories innumerable many of us have grown up hearing about, the characters were firmly entrenched in their own lower stories of human circumstance, just like you and I. And yet, when we stand back and look at the bigger picture the Word of God is showing, we can see the upper story significance of each individual character's lower story (Have I driven home enough the 'story' idea yet?). There is something so innately encouraging in that. I happen to be firmly entrenched in my own lower story, and need constant reminders of that upper story God's unfolding just beyond my human vision, closer than my circumstances tell...

I was excited when I was offered this book for review because I relished the idea of digesting the whole entire story of the Bible all in one big gulp. Frazee, a teaching pastor by vocation and the author of numerous previous books, didn't disappoint in his anecdotal summary. I often get tripped up in the minor prophets. I take them one by one as moving pieces of literature, but struggle to fit them into the chronological narrative of Israel's story. The Heart of the Story helpfully wove the myriad of true tales together in a way that I could cognitively see where they fit into the story in history. And Frazee did it while also lifting the reader's eyes up to the way it all fits into the bigger picture / upper story.

If I could make any criticisms about this book, they would be only from a point of view of my admittedly snobby literaturary tastes :) I sometimes found his writing style a bit juvenile, as if he was trying too hard to sound 'cool', but because I believe this was an effort to make God's Word approachable by anyone, I think we should let it slide ;) It was extremely readable and that can be hard to find when it comes to wrestling with Biblical literature and matters of Theology.

All that said, I think you should read this book! Who doesn't need some help to focus on the bigger picture when we are so caught up in our day to days? So... to aid you to that end, I'd like to offer In The Hands of the Master-Poet's first giveaway! I have an extra copy of Randy Frazee's The Heart of the Story: God's Masterful Design to Restore His People to give away to one lucky reader of this blog :) Ooh, exciting :) All you have to do to receive your free copy is leave me a comment explaining why you would like to read this book, and giving me some way to contact you so we can be in touch about where I should mail it if you win the giveaway.

So, comment, comment, comment! The contest will be open over the weekend and I'll contact the winner early next week. Let's seek out this God actively working to restore us to Himself, and let's equip ourselves to let the upper story, the bigger picture, the greater purpose influence the way we live our lower stories day to day. Let's be encouraged: "since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Heb. 12:1).
What a gift it is to live wrapped up in such purpose! And what a gift it is to have The Bible to be told of all the ones who lived out their stories for such a purpose before us. What did they do before they had those testimonies to look to and be encouraged by?

Yay for free giveaways of encouragement :)