In Honour of a Visit from My Handsome Man

My man being handsome on our trip to Ireland in May

So, I stumbled upon an old blog entry from 2010, written after a 4th date with Charles but 13 months of friendship, but before we decided to let this relationship be serious. It's so crazy to think all that has transpired between us since then-- and all the romantic dates all over Europe and America that we've had since then :)

Still, I thought, why not share with you the fractured thoughts I wrote after those experiences in our early days, in honour of his arriving in Sweden tonight (can't wait!!) :)

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10 October 2010:
"...I saw a certain someone. We planned a day out together for the Sunday afternoon. We'd been looking forward to it for weeks. Goodness, I had missed him and couldn't wait to see him; hoping we might talk now, seriously, about what *this* is and see that we're on the same page. And just to spend time with him, face to face, figuring out who this man is who has slipped so quietly into my life but so solidly so that it's hard to imagine my days without him in them now...

But that day... I felt a bit disappointed. It was a beautiful day. We met up at London Bridge station and hugged hello and then... I felt awkward. So much had passed between us in communication since we last saw one another in June, we'd both shared many a time how we felt about one another, yet we were still there, standing before one another not sure what to say. Hehe. Oh, the awkwardness. It's kind of cute, really.

We made our way over to Greenwich University on the DLR to visit his old campus. Very impressive! They were filming the new Pirates of the Carribean movie there so much of it was blocked off but we wandered where we could and I loved seeing this bit of his history (well, let's face it, it was a beautiful old university and I love that sort of thing enough as it is :)). I hope I never lose my wonder at the beauty of these masterful old buildings Europe constantly presents to me.

University of Greenwich from the Thames

The stunning University of Greenwich in London, my man's alma mater!

Then we walked up to Greenwich Park and all along I wondered if we would hold hands or... anything. It confused me a little that we could talk as we do, so deeply, so daily, and with so much intention, and then get together and act like... none of that had happened, in a way. We spoke now rather shallowly, joking back and forth, talking as people who are involved in one anther's everyday lives do, but... we avoided anything "us"-ish. Which annoyed me because that's what I wanted us to talk about most! As if... if only we were to speak about it all, sort out what exactly we are, then I would know how I can behave with him, what I can consider us and my relationship to him, and so know how to treat him. Hmm. Instead, I walked along in a puzzle.

Standing across from one another on the Prime Meridian

We made our way up to the Prime Meridian... because I'd never been and it runs right through London! Just in case you need a definition, it's basically the longitudinal line on the map where it's zero degrees longitude (0°). The prime meridian runs through the Royal Greenwich Observatory in Greenwich, England (the location was established in 1884 by international agreement). The prime meridian divides the globe into the Western and Eastern hemispheres. So, we waited in the queue to take photos standing on the dividing line :) I joked about how fitting it was, with our cultural differences, and he, being very British, teased about all the tourists making such a big deal about a little line, so I, in turn, teased him about being so very British and cynical :)

I love the easy joking back and forth. But I distinctly missed the depth. And so then of course I started to worry that maybe we weren't as well-suited as we seemed to think... Hmm. Just go with the flow, Leah! Spend a bit of time just enjoying it ;)

We wandered back down the hill to Greenwich and found a lovely little Indian place for supper, sitting across from one another like a real date, but nervously not being romantic at all. Oh dear :) As he prayed over the meal all I could think was what a pleasant voice he has, with that gorgeous accent as well. hehe. A darling little child came over to my chair and said bye-bye in the cutest British accent when we left, and I hoped my own kids might someday speak with such an accent :) Oh my!

We meandered down to a walk along the Thames. We have a good track record with the Thames :) Tonight was no different. The sun was setting above it and set the sky afire with hues of pink and gold from a masterful Artist's hand. We sat on a bench and watched it fade into darkness as we talked. There were times of silence, as there had been all day. Usually I don't mind silence, but today it made me nervous. I think because I felt like we really had so much that needed discussing and neither of us were quick to bring it up... 

The sunset that evening as we sat along the Thames

He started to get very cold as the night settled in around us and... I don't know how it happened in me, really, when I was so shy, nervous, unsure, but I asked, though it was obvious, "Are you really cold?" And when he said yes, I just went, "Right, then I'm going to sit closer to you" and, *gasp*, I moved close enough so we were touching! hehehe. Our own awkwardness makes me laugh :) But he's always saying lovely things to me when we're apart about how he just wishes he could hold me. So... I thought surely he wouldn't mind... He did go a bit silent at this point. Haha. But conversation picked back up. And then when he was still obviously very cold, I threw all caution to the wind (ha!) and snuggled into him properly, my arms thread through his one on my side and my head on his shoulder. He leaned his head on mine. And we sat there like that, chatting that way, so cozy in the night, for ages. I remember thinking to myself, "I should remember this moment" and memorizing the pattern of the light thrown from the victorian street lamp above us on the wet cobblestone before us, the white of my hands against the black of his sleeve, the way his voice sounded with my ear pressed to his shoulder... I recognize that regardless where we decide to take this from here, He is a significant man in my life now. These are significant moments.

He walked me back to my train and we hugged goodbye in a hurry. He called me precious. He always writes to me as precious.

Then off I went to finish up my trip to England, but I had to go back through London on my way to the airport 2 days later, so we made plans to meet on his lunch break.

So on Wednesday when I got into London, I made my way down to Canary Wharf on the Underground and found my way to the rather legendary building where he works-- the tallest in the UK and distinctive in the London skyline (update: This is no longer true! There was a new London skyscraper built since the time of writing this and it now holds the record :)). He came down straight away and we went to Starbucks, sat across from one another, and caught up on the last few days. Somehow this time around it was so much easier, less awkward. Every little bit of face-to-face time helps :) Apparently his new job is awesome and he's pretty free to do as he likes between projects (he's a web-developer), so at one point he went upstairs to check on things, and then he just came right back down to me (saying that he'd been missing me for 20 minutes. Haha :)) and we went to grab some lunch before I had to head back to Victoria. He got us French Crepes and we sat at a table by the water in the sunshine in the middle of the intimidating financial district of London, eating, talking, enjoying.

When we finished, he went to dispose of everything and then sat back down across from me at the table when, all of a sudden, as if on impulse, he stood, took his chair, and announced, like I had on Sunday night, "I'm going to sit closer to you with the few minutes we have left." He placed his chair next to mine and then wrapped his arms around me, so I was leaning back into him, like it was the most natural thing in the world :) We watched the boats go by and though I felt conflicted about the fact that we still hadn't discussed what we were to one another, I didn't want the cuddle to end... We had exactly 7 minutes. Hehe. Then we were hugging goodbye, and my courage went so far as to say, "When you come to Sweden in November, we need to talk..." hoping he'd just somehow know what I meant. He said, "Yes"... Somehow, I need this talk before I can let go and treat him like I'd want to treat the guy I'm with. I need to draw these lines saying, "Yes, we're together" before I can naturally behave like we're together, talk like we're together, treat him like he's mine and I'm his. At the moment it's such a weird tension of being sort of in and sort of out...

But there we have it. The unfolding drama of learning how to let go and let myself be loved. The Lord is so gracious with me. This man has the most tender heart. He seemingly views me through eyes which look and see only treasure. It doesn't add up to me and makes me feel insecure even while feeling precious. But again and again as I seek the Lord about it all, I feel Him speaking to my soul somehow, "But this is how I look at you. This is what my love looks like, Leah." And somehow Charles has become a part of His healing for me, regardless of how it all plays out.

But somehow, despite all the things I think we need to talk about and consider before we decide what we are, more and more the doubts get lost in reassurance. His heart is so good. So beyond anything I could ever deserve. And that is the most important factor...

So, we'll wait some more (we've been on this journey for 13 months now) and just see what He does as we continue to communicate, how He moves us as we have this significant talk when he visits in November. And in the meantime... I will be cherished, and though it rubs a little like a brand new shoe now, I think maybe it might feel more comfortable, this being cherished-business, as I walk in it a while...

"Dating is risky. Getting close to someone can be terrifying without the rituals of courtship or the fleeting comforts of casual sex. Healthy intimacy involves living in the tension of authenticity and uncertainty. Being honest and open with no guarantee of a positive outcome is intimidating and sometimes crazy-making. It's easy to get hurt. That’s the sort of risk healthy dating involves. Courtship rituals reduce ambivalence and uncertainty. Cheap sex does the same thing. Dating requires courage. It means trusting God not to drag you toward a mate, but to keep you anchored to your First Love during the journey... " -- Stephen W. Simpson, Ph.D.

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And here we are, nearly 2 years later and God is still teaching us every day about loving well and being loved well. It is a harder journey than I think we expected, but a more beautiful one too.

... And I cannot wait for that handsome man to step off the airport bus tonight!

The last time Charles was in Sweden

A Story of Boy Meets Girl

Soooo… you know the familiar story of boy meets girl? I have one of those I am privileged by God’s grace (and stand in delighted awe over still…) to tell :)


Once upon a time there was a girl who fell in love with Jesus and into a life of following Him. He walked with her down MANY a road from the time she was small, and as they walked, He loved her, and taught her to love like His heart. He began to teach her quite early the importance of trusting to Him everything in surrender, even her own story of boy-meets-girl.


Along the way there were stories of girl meets wrong boys. And there were some stories of girl meets really-great-but-not-right-boys and even girl meets boy-she-thinks-she-wishes-was-right-boy-- until she actually gets to meet REAL right boy... But in all these stories, He held the writing pen firmly in His hand and she watched it scrawl across the page from her position snug at His side next to where He carried all her hopes and dreams (and it was snug, because there were a great deal of them!).


This great and loving God who carried all her hopes and dreams continually asked her to trust Him, and to keep on surrendering her everything to Him. And as she did, He brought her all over His world, teaching her always about His love for it and the people in it, and her place in it and His love for her.


Then one day, girl met boy. It was September 10, 2009.


It was rather unlikely for most, but really rather appropriate for her that they met in writing, and communicated that way for the first 7 months that they knew one another. Boy was in London, girl was in Gothenburg. They spoke of everything from what annoyed them (girl couldn’t stand it when people didn’t put things back where they belonged, and boy hated it when people would double-dip in the salsa…), to their childhoods with their families (girl was the middle of 5 kids and grew up on a ranch in the countryside of a rural state; boy was an only child to a single mum and grew up in one of the biggest and most multi-cultural cities in the world), their church experiences (girl was walking through a difficult experience in serving in a church ministry after just finishing her degree in Theology; boy had been deeply involved in the same church family since he was small and was taking a class on preaching and giving his first sermons), their walks with God (they both loved Him and desired Him deeply, and would share with one another how they were seeking Him throughout the seasons), their walks with those around them (girl had roommate trouble to pray through! Boy had the responsibility of caring for his chronically-ill mother), their own personal brokenness and scars collected in living, and their ideas of the purpose for why they were put on this earth—to love and serve Christ and show His love to a world dying for it...


And the sovereign and love-story-writing God smiled in anticipation of all that He would teach girl and boy in the months to come, using them to teach one another facets of His love He had been saving up for them each to discover in good time...


When girl met boy, they simply recognized a similar heart each in the other, and they became friends; friends who began sharing everything with one another. Soon they began to feel odd if they missed a day of communicating. And so they prayerfully decided that they really needed to meet up and speak face-to-face. Girl was beginning to feel more for boy than they spoke about out-right and it frightened her… Boy felt more for girl too, and began to tell her frankly so…


So a date was set for a long-awaited walk through Hyde Park for the next time girl was travelling through London – April 28th, 2010. Girl picked out her favourite ‘casually cute’ outfit (button-down denim skirt, brown leather boots to the knees, blue polka-dot top, and grey cardie), and spent the afternoon beforehand having coffee with a friend and talking herself through her nerves! She really felt there was something different about this boy, something different about this date… She walked to King’s Cross station, held her breath, and waited to see if she could spot him first in the jumble of people coming and going…


She couldn’t have known when she first glimpsed them across the crowd how very special those gorgeous brown eyes would become to her… Or how she would come to want to hold forever that hand he placed in the small of her back as he led her along protectively.


Girl and Boy finally said goodnight near to midnight after wondering all over the city soaking in one another’s presence. It would be the first of many such wanders about London together, making somewhat awkward and stinted conversation after already pouring out their hearts in written words for endless hours in months past. Girl and Boy continued to go on such dates for the next 7 months, strengthening their friendship and praying for wisdom in what God would have them do. Girl was also praying for some courage to let herself be that oh-so-scary thing-- truly loved.


Boy started writing her poetry on July 1st, 2010. He was already in love with her, but he was patient and strong, giving her as much time and space as she needed, and yet proving to her again and again with his very character that he could be trusted, and that with Jesus, he would do everything he could to remain worthy of her trust, to love her well, so she would have no reason to fear. He held out his heart to her in open hands, and then waited…


And girl, though frightened of letting go, was falling for boy, and falling hard.

14 months after first meeting, boy came to visit girl in Sweden, and on November 12th, 2010 they decided to make it official. They stood on a ferry in the moonlight on the North Sea after just deciding that this was it, and they both prayed to a great, big, masterful God who had seen that very moment even all throughout the twenty-some years of their very separate lives full of very different experiences on different continents. They thanked Him, and asked for His guidance, which they had been seeking all those 14 months, to go with them still. Making this decision to be an official couple was a very serious matter because they had both been deliberate about waiting to date anyone exclusively until they were ready to be married. They knew that this would be the first step toward forever, or they wouldn’t be together. (Afterwards, they discovered that they had both been praying in that moment the same, but neither of them had known as they stood cuddled together in silence watching the moon reflect off the water :))

That night was the first time boy asked girl if he could hold her hand :)


Very soon after, in January 2011, girl was headed off to Uganda to have her heart broken by the beautiful little ones left desolate by poverty. Boy held her across the miles with his prayers and his love letters and the broken phone calls which he would spend much mula to make in the deep darkness of the African nights. By March, girl knew that she would have to come back there to adopt some of God’s little ones of Uganda when the time came. Much to her delight, boy put up no fight. And by the end of their separation, boy and girl felt strongly that they knew they wanted to build their lives with no one else… and it became only a matter of time.

In June 2011, boy came all the way over to America to meet girl’s family and to spend 2 weeks with them in her family home. For girl, this ‘test’ sealed the deal. Having her handsome British boy in her rural, midwestern, childhood home was surreal. And somehow, she loved him even more afterwards than she had before.


This boy meets girl story isn’t finished yet (and they hope it never will be!) but the testimony of God’s grace and gentle leading is already evident in it. Girl only dreamed that she would ever be treated so well, like so much precious treasure; like her Father in Heaven has always said she is, but she’s struggled to believe. And boy takes nothing about this gift for granted. And every day the boy and girl continue to examine their hearts and their relationship and learn what it means to love and be loved—through the good and the bad, the joys and the harsh realities, expectations, disappointments, beauty and pain—and to understand love’s place in His plan. He’s still carrying their many hopes and dreams, but now they press up close to Him together to watch what He’s doing and to learn love from the very Master of it…

It's about time I introduced you all to the man I love :)

“I love you from depths of my heart that have been untapped. That all the while in my life God decided through you he would show me a new kind of love, a new way of living for him. You’ve graced my life and it’s still so incomprehensible that I can call you mine. I don’t think I will ever come to terms with it. But I don’t really want to either, I much prefer standing in awe of God’s biggest blessing in my life next to saving me... giving me your heart to hold.” – Charles to Leah, February 2011